it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
