Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
