we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize