WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
