i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
