something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
