im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
