a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
