oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
