either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
