I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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