just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
