Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
