Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
