you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
