Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
pop tarts are not kleenex
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I supernannyed him into submission
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
