i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
