I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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