I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
