i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
this hospital has no fireball
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My vagina is very pro this idea
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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