if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
