I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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