I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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