someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize