Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
and i looked up. we had an audience...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
