dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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