Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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