i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
