Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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