I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
