hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
