whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
