i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
