I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
