Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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