you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
