big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
