No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
