Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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