You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
