I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
