I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
