when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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