Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
