So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
