He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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