he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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