She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
