I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
