people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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