I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize