I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm both gender and math confused
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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