I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
