I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
