Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
