I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
