Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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