Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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