That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
