I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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