1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
