Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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