I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
