A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
