Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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