Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
