Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
