Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize