Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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