I need help removing her.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
