Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
