youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
being pregnant is like rehab
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
