it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I believe in your delicious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
