i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
