No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
