what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
