You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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