My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize