One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
