too bad you live with your parents still
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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