Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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