...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am spending my child support on dildos
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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