The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
