When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
