Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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