kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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