My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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