I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
