He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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