proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
