A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
