everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
