I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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