apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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