I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
