She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
